A little fun stuff

A Retired Person's Perspective: 
  
1. I'm not saying let's go kill all the stupid people.  
 I'm just saying let's remove all the warning labels and 
 let the problem work itself out. 
 
2. I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People move 
 out of the way much faster now.
  
3. You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands.
 If they are holding a gun, she's probably ticked. 
  
4. Gone are the days when girls cooked like their mothers.  
 Now they drink like their fathers. 
  
5. You know that tingly little feeling you get when you 
 really like someone you've just met? That's common sense 
 leaving your body. 
  
6. I don't like making plans for the day because, then, 
 the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the 
 courtroom. 
  
7. I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes 
 1,500 days in a row. 
  
8. I decided to change calling the bathroom the John 
 and renamed it 'the Jim'.  I feel so much better saying 
 I went to 'the Jim' this morning. 
  
9. Dear paranoid people who check behind shower curtains 
 for murderers:  If you find one, what's your plan? 
  
10. Everyone has a right to be stupid. Politicians just 
 abuse the privilege.