TONGUE IN CHEEK

>From Barb
UK Suicide Bombers Go On Strike
Reported by an English newspaper. 
Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day 
strike on Wednesday in a dispute over the number of virgins 
they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with 
Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.
 
The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that 
the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after 
his death would be cut by 25% this April from 72 to 54. 
A spokesman said that increases in recent years in the 
number of suicide bombings has resulted in a shortage of 
virgins in the afterlife.
 
The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of 
Occupational Martyrs (or B.O.O.M.) responded with a 
statement saying the move was unacceptable to its members 
and called for a strike vote. General Secretary Abdullah 
Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working 
themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask 
for much in return but to be treated like this is like a 
kick in the teeth." 

Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands , 
Al Qaeda chief executive Haisheet Mapants explained, 
"I sympathize with our workers concerns but Al Qaeda is 
simply not in a position to meet their demands."
They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day 
Jihad in a competitive marketplace. Thanks to Western 
depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in 
the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing 
expenditures, or laying people off. I don't like cutting 
benefits but I'd hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff 
that they won't be able to blow themselves up.
 
Spokespersons for the union in the North East of England , 
Ireland , Wales and the entire Australian continent stated 
that the change would not hurt their membership as there 
are so few virgins in their areas anyway.
 
According to some industry sources, the recent drop in the 
number of suicide bombings has been attributed to the 
emergence of Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle. Many 
Muslim Jihadists now know what a virgin looks like and 
have reconsidered their benefit packages.